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Leading Through the Drama in Challenging Times

In every organization there is a certain amount of “office drama.” In fact, studies show that, on average, employees spend about 2 hours a day on drama – conflict with other employees, grumbling about leaders, expressing frustration about work assignments or company policies, etc.

And it should come as no surprise that office drama has increased this year. There are several contributing factors:

Organizations are asked to do more with less
As employees work from home the lines are blurred between work and home life
A national sense of aggressiveness is flowing down into the workplace

So how do you lead through the drama during this challenging time? And how do you disarm those who prefer to live in the drama even in the best of times?

I recently attended a (virtual) presentation entitled, “Reality-Based Leadership – How to Peacefully and Effectively Lead Teams Through Transformative Times.” The facilitator was Alex Dorr, Vice President of People Evolution at Reality-Based Leadership.

Here are some key takeaways from that session that I think are valuable for every leader to consider.

Employee engagement is more critical than ever. About 70% of employees are quitting their jobs in their mind every day. They’re not actually quitting – yet. But the fact that they’re thinking about it means they are less engaged and more likely to get caught up in employee drama.

Complaining increases endorphins. Think about it. When you vent or “let off steam” by dumping your problems or issues on someone else you feel better. And it’s much easier than coming up with a solution and taking action.

Help employees be self-reflective. When employees come to you with problems or complaints, encourage them to envision a solution. First let them vent. Then let them know you heard them. Then ask, “What would an acceptable solution look like?” Put on your coaching hat and ask questions to help them be part of the solution.

Use the SBAR approach. (Situation, Background, Analysis, Recommendation). Teach employees that if they have a concern or want change, before they come to you, they should have an SBAR. This is a short statement that describes the situation (S) and explains why it is happening now and how it needs to look different in the future (B). It also includes best practices, data, and policies that provide insight and support the change (A). And finally, it includes 2 or 3 recommendations (R) that the employee proposes.

Discover your desired role – as leader. Don’t jump in with an immediate solution. Ask questions – coach – to make this a development opportunity and clarify the role the employee wants you to play. Ask: How do you want me to help? Just listen? Help you think through each of your recommendations? Make additional recommendations?

Gain commitment. Whatever you decide to do to move forward, make sure that both of you – leader and employee – are clear on what the commitment is before leaving the meeting.

Model the behavior. Don’t be part of the drama. Demonstrate that you also take time for self-reflection and that you are capable of just stepping back and letting employees take action to create their own solutions.

If you have leaders who tend to get caught up in the drama, executive coaching can be helpful. Please contact me at michelle@connecttohr.com.

The Best Leaders Continue to Learn

It’s easy to get complacent once you’ve reached the top. You’ve worked hard to get there and now you’re ready to guide others as they work toward achieving team and organizational goals. But here’s the thing. Change is constant – challenges, the work environment, people, goals, business needs – and unless you keep learning you will not be prepared to effectively respond to those changes.

So, what are the skills that are important to continue to develop?

If you look at the myriad lists of “top” skills and competencies for leaders (and there are many of them!) there are several skills that consistently bubble to the top: strategic thinking, effective communication, interpersonal skills, a desire to develop others. These are some of the traditional skills that make an effective leader. But there are some additional skills that have become increasingly important over the past few years as we look at a new way of working in the 21^st century. Skills like emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and collaboration.

There was a time when “emotions” did not enter into workplace conversations, at least not in a positive way. Leaders managed actions, not emotions. Today, however, emotional intelligence, or EQ – the ability to recognize and manage your own emotions as well as those of others – is seen as perhaps the most essential skill to succeed as a leader.

One of the elements of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Leaders who are self-aware, who know their strengths and are willing to admit the areas where they need development, tend to have stronger, more trusting relationships with their teams and colleagues. Self-awareness means understanding your strengths, and also recognizing behaviors that may be working against you. In a previous blog, Your Personal Best Starts with Self-Awareness, I talked about how certain “triggers” in our environment may prevent us from performing at our best. Learning to identify and manage our response to those triggers helps us grow as leaders.

Another element of emotional intelligence is empathy. Although we’re not seeing it demonstrated much on the national stage, empathy has been called THE skill for the 21^st Century.

Empathy is described as “the ability to understand, recognize and appreciate the way others are feeling, even if it is different from what you are feeling.” A more visual description is from the book To Kill A Mockingbird, when Atticus Finch says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Learning to understand someone else’s point of view – to figure out “where they’re coming from” – has myriad benefits in the workplace and in life in general. It improves interpersonal relationships, teamwork, negotiations, collaboration, sales, customer service, even parenting! And the good news is, as I discussed in a previous blog, Empathy: An Essential Skill for Leaders, empathy can be learned!

Often when we talk about leadership and communication, the focus is on the leader as a provider of information – vision, goals, feedback, updates, solutions – and how frequently and forthrightly that information is provided. But communicating effectively as a leader is more than just giving information. It’s about listening to your employees and conveying that you heard and understood. It’s about ensuring that your tone and body language are in sync with your words.

Leaders who demonstrate to their employees and their teams that they listen – really listen – build trust, promote engagement and inspire loyalty. In a previous blog, Are You Listening? Really Listening? I gave some tips on how to be a better listener.

As I work with leaders in the executive coaching side of my business, my goal is to help them become the best leader they can be. And that always starts from a place of helping them develop self-awareness and promoting continuous learning.

Are you, or is someone in your organization looking to improve their effectiveness as a leader? Contact me for a free consultation to learn about the benefits of coaching.

A Culture of Empathy Starts at the Top

Research shows that companies who demonstrate they care – about their employees, about their customers, about their community – significantly outperform their less-caring peers. People want to work there. Customers want to buy there. And they all want to tell their friends.

So what’s the magic formula? Building personal connections and developing strong and enduring relationships. When leaders connect with their employees by showing empathy, listening to them, recognizing the value they provide to the organization, and providing growth opportunities, those employees are more likely to care about their work, their customers and the business.

One example of a company that understands the importance of building connections is Zappos. They provide 24/7 customer service – by phone. Zappos encourages phone calls because they enable in-depth conversations with customers and a better opportunity to create personal connections. A June 2017 Forbes article described Zappos’ model this way: “When that one call comes in, Zappos will do anything to make sure it’s an engaging and personable experience for the customer, in the hope that a single great phone interaction will serve as a proxy in the customer’s mind for the overall personality of this company.”

Making personal connections and building relationships have traditionally been relegated to the “soft” side of business skills. But as described in a recent article in Chief Learning Officer Magazine, there’s “hard” science evidence indicating that “our brains are wired to be social” and that we can leverage that information to learn how to create personal connections and build lasting relationships.

According to the article, KPMG partnered with the head of the Wharton Neuroscience Initiative at the University of Pennsylvania to evaluate the strength of their relationships with clients and within the organization. One of the outcomes was “an instructional program on applying practical insights from neuroscience to build trusted relationships.”

Some of those insights were:

Initiating a relationship. The brain seeks social cues – “the real-time behaviors that display connection.” When you first meet someone, make eye contact. Smile, and pay close attention to them. Listen. “Failing to look and listen reduces information flow into the social brain, limiting the potential for building connections, establishing trust and working together.”

Engaging emotionally. Don’t jump into a business conversation. Engage in a conversation to get to know the other person better. Adapt your communication style to theirs – for example, if they’re soft spoken and you tend to be loud, lower you voice. Build rapport by finding things in common.

Engaging cognitively. This is where empathy plays a big part. Ask about and listen to their perspective. Try to see things from their vantage point. “Activating perspective-taking engages the social brain, which enhances your ability to develop understanding, and helps to achieve common goals.”

A culture that fosters strong, trusting relationships – both internally and externally – begins at the top.

As the old adage says, “If you take care of your people, your people will take care of the business.”

Empathy: An Essential Skill for Leaders

Over the past few months I’ve been talking about the skills required to be an effective leader. So far I’ve talked about listening, self-awareness and conversational intelligence. Another skill that is being increasingly recognized as an essential leadership skill is empathy. Although we’re not seeing it demonstrated much on the national stage, empathy has been called THE skill for the 21^st Century.

A recent Forbes article describes empathy as “the ability to understand, recognize and appreciate the way others are feeling, even if it is different from what you are feeling.” A more visual description is from the book To Kill A Mockingbird, when Atticus Finch says, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Learning to understand others’ point of view – to figure out “where they’re coming from” – has myriad benefits in the workplace and in life in general. It improves interpersonal relationships, teamwork, negotiations, collaboration, sales, customer service, even parenting!

And empathy (which is one of the components of emotional intelligence) can be learned, according to a study conducted by Cambridge University. In the largest study ever conducted to determine whether the ability to show empathy is based on genetics, results showed that the ability to do so is only 10% genetic. So…90% of the time empathy can be learned.

It requires practice. So how do you do it? International Executive Coach Dr. Melinda Fouts has developed an Empathy Self Audit to help “assess your empathy and do some self-reflection.” Here are a few of the questions in her self-audit:

Are you aware of how others are feeling? Or are you oblivious?
Do you try to avoid hurting the feelings of others?
Do you respect the way others feel, or do you put them down or tease them?
Do you care about the feelings of others?
Does the display of strong emotions bother you, or do you understand and appreciate what they are experiencing?
Are there times you are not sensitive to someone’s feelings? If so, why?
Can you reflect back what you heard the person saying using the same adjectives that the person used to express their emotions?

Spend some time thinking about these questions. What stands out to you? Do your mounting responsibilities, deadlines, or stress get in the way of your being sensitive toward others’ thoughts and feelings? If so, take a step back and think about how you can practice empathy. As a leader in the 21^st Century, it’s a key gateway to your personal and career success.

Next time I’ll share some examples of how integrating empathy into the culture leads to organizational success.

Archive for Emotional intelligence

Leading Through the Drama in Challenging Times

The Best Leaders Continue to Learn

A Culture of Empathy Starts at the Top

Empathy: An Essential Skill for Leaders

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